What sort of gift is singleness?

When talking about singleness it is often referred to as a gift often quoting 1 Corinthians 7:7, however little is done to qualify what sort of gift is singleness. When we understand what sort of gift singleness is we can understand how to view and use our God given gift.

There have been many varied explanations about the gift of singleness, and much of that teaching on singleness has been unduly prejudiced by a secular mindset. In a society where marriage was the norm so teaching on singleness reflected society’s values. In today’s society where marriage is no longer given the precedence it once did and singleness amongst both beliers and non-believers is on the rise people are looking back to the bible to see what the bible actually teaches on this subject. The specific teachings on singleness are 1 Corinthians 7 and Mathew 19: 8-12. The church, at times, continues to retain its misconceptions about singleness and people are often reluctant to see singleness as the bible teaches it. This leaves many people confused about singleness and its place within the community of the church and in their lives. The first main question that occurs is ‘what sort of gift is singleness?’, to answer this is am going to first look at two answers that are often given that are NOT true, then look at where this leaves us and how we can define singleness and its status as a gift.

A gift of celibacy?

One interpretation of 1 Corinthians 7 was that Paul was talking about the gift of celibacy. 1 Corinthians 7 is about sex and marriage, and in that context when Paul talks to those who are not married and calls them to continue in their state of un-marriage he is in fact talking to those who had the gift of celibacy. The gift of celibacy is thought to be a spiritual gift from God little to no desire for sex whatsoever. The teaching on this would be that if you do not have the gift of celibacy then you should seek to marry to avoid falling into sexual sin, i.e. if you cannot control your sex drive then get married.

The first point against teaching a gift of celibacy is that it reduces marriage to legalised sex for Christians. The logic is that if you do not have the gift of celibacy, then you should get married to satisfy the desires of your body, teaching that in today’s sex obsessed culture is very alluring to believers. Marriage becomes primarily a place for the individual to satisfy their sexual desires. Paul’s teachings on marriage however in Ephesians 5: 22-33, puts the purpose of marriage to be the imitation of Christ’s love for the church. It seems odd that Paul would teach marriage as a picture of Christ in one epistle and as a place to satisfy lust in another. Sex is a part of marriage BUT marriage is not all about sex, to see marriage as a place for those who do not have the gift of celibacy to find ‘release’ from all their pent up frustrations would be a misunderstanding of both Paul’s teachings in chapter 7 and on the biblical teachings on marriage.

When we look at the text and who Paul’s addresses in his teaching he directs comments to ‘the married’ and to ‘the unmarried’ and to those thinking about marriage, Paul does not addresses those who have the gift of celibacy instead he addresses groups of people with different marital situations. Paul at no point addresses the celibate, nor makes any reference to a gifting of celibacy in the passage, it would be hard therefore to conclude that Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 is teaching about celibacy.

1 Corinthians 7 is addressing the issues raised about marriage and its place in the culture the Corinthians find themselves in, Paul addresses many different people in different situations and teaching on whether or not they should marry. The reasons Paul gives for people not to marry are purely to do with service to the Lord and Paul never once specifically mentions a gifting of celibacy either as a gift or a reason to stay unmarried. To claim therefore that those who do not have a gift of celibacy should marry is, from the passage, clearly wrong. The passage of 1 Corinthians 7 is instructions to believers, married and not married, on how to look at their present marital status: ‘are you unmarried do not seek a wife, if you do marry you have not sinned... but those who marry will face many troubles in this life and I want to spare you that’(verse 27-28) as such to say Paul is teaching celibacy is the gift mentioned in verse 7 would also be a misunderstanding of the purpose of chapter 7.

Chapter 7 is Paul’s writings to the Corinthian believers on how to live godly lives in a sex worshiping culture. His conclusion is that being single or being married are both gifts that God gives to believers ‘each man has his own gift from God, one has this another that’(vs 7). The chapter as a whole does not define the gifts mentioned in verse 7 beyond married and unmarried and Paul gives his teachings generally to different groups of believers relating to their current marital situation NOT their gifting. To interpret 1 Corinthians 7 as speaking about the gift of celibacy is to both miss the point of the passage and the teaching of Paul to the Church.

A Spiritual gift of Singleness?

Again somewhat related to the previous argument of a gift of celibacy, some argue that singleness is a spiritual gift, one given by God to a few in order that they may be devoted to serving him in various ministries and being spiritually enabled to live in their state of not being married. Again this would lead to the conclusion that ‘if I don’t feel that I have the gift of singleness then I should get married’ or if I can detect no supernatural enablement of being able to live as a single Christian I should get married’. Often in this case decrement of the gift (like celibacy) is based purely on the individuals feelings about being single. Obviously we have a biological makeup that makes us generally tend toward reproduction and for Christians that would mean having to be married, also bearing in mind the amount of hormones that carouse though our bodies will also incline us more towards wanting to have sex and to reproduce. If we base our decrement of our gift on how we feel there is a great deal of danger of in fact having our marital situation dictated by our hormones instead of the word of God!

The main basis for the argument for singleness being a spiritual gift is based on the Greek word Paul uses for Gift Χάρισμα- Charisma. Charisma means ‘gift of grace’. Its root word is Charis, meaning ‘grace’ that is used by Paul most frequently as gift. So in 1 Corinthians 7:7 ‘each man has his own gift from God; one has this another that’. The main case for singleness being a spiritual gift is that the word Charisma is a form of the word used when Paul refers to spiritual gifts: Charismata, Charismaton, Charismartos (being the plural versions of the singular Charisma). All these words have the same meaning, a gift of grace, and many teachers have taken this to mean that as Paul uses the same word he uses to refer to spiritual gifts that singleness can be therefore categorised in the same way.

After extensive study of the Greek the term for spiritual gift occurs in three ways in Paul’s letters.

1. Where Paul uses the term Charismata to refer to Spiritual gifts he qualifies it by referring to the Holy Spirit. E.g.: Romans 1:11, 1 Corinthians 12:4. Or Paul talks about gifts and uses the term Charismata in a passage where we see from the context that he is teaching about the use of spiritual gifts within the church (e.g. teaching, prophecy tongues etc): Romans 12:6, 1 Corinthians 1:7 and 1 Corinthians 12:31 and 1 timothy 4:11.
2. Where the term gifts of the spirit is used, the word ‘gift’ is added by the translators to give an English meaning to the passage:
   -1 Corinthians 13:2 the word gift is added in front of prophecy to read in the English ‘gift of prophecy’
   -1 Corinthians 14:1 the word used by Paul is ‘pneumatika’ meaning spiritual and the translators add the word gift to make it read ’spiritual gifts’.
   -1 Corinthians 14:37 where the word used is ‘spiritual man’ the translators add gift to the verse to interpret the Greek as: ‘spiritually gifted’
3. Lastly the term Charismata referring to spiritual gifts is used in direct reference to the gift of healing, (lit gift of cures) as in: 1 Corinthians 12:9,28,30.
   
   So where does 1 Corinthians 7:7 fit into these categories? The Greek term for spirit or spiritual is absent, and the context is Paul teaching on sex and marriage in the Corinthian church so it is not under the first point. The word for gift is there in the Greek so it is not added by translators to clarify the spiritual nature of singleness and obviously the passage is not talking about healing. In Paul’s letters the use of the word Charisma in 1 Corinthians 7:7 is both unique and unrelated to the terminology he uses for spiritual gifts. The closet we come is in Romans 1:11 which is the only other passage where Paul uses the term charisma. In this case the Greek literally reads: for I long to see you, that some I may impart gift spiritual. The only other use of the term ‘Charisma’ Paul adds the word spiritual so that his readers may know that he is talking about gifts of the spirit. As all reference to the Holy Spirit or the spritualness of the gift where does that leave 1 Corinthians 7:7? Study of all the Greek words used by Paul in reference to spiritual gifts we can conclude that Singleness is not a spiritual gift, as presented by Paul is not meant to be seen as a spiritual gift the Greek does not hold in the context of Paul's other letters does not support this view.
   
   Thinking again about singleness being a spiritual gift, if we use the passage of 1 Corinthians 7:7 to infer that singleness to be a spiritual gift we must therefore conclude marriage to be as well: each has his own gift from God, one has this another that. Both gifts are referred to in the same way so therefore how we classify the ‘gift of singleness’ is the way we should classify the ‘gift of marriage’. If someone marries and finds they are struggling does that mean they have the gift of singleness? Does that therefore mean we should encourage them to separate from their spouse in order to fully experience and nurture the God given gift of singleness? Of course not when a person struggles in marriage we encourage them to persevere and hold to what God has given them. There defiantly is a spiritual side to marriage where husband and wife work together to build each other up in the Lord and to work at modelling Christ’s love for the church but to say marriage is a spiritual enabled sate where both partners function without strife or trouble is wishful thinking. It seems therefore strange that this is not the case with singleness? When people struggle the automatic reaction is to encourage them to seek marriage as if that is the ‘cure’ for their problems of being single. If singleness is not a spiritually enabled gift then we should expect that (like all areas of the Christian life) there will be struggles and it will be hard yet it will also have its rewards.
   
   To say singleness is a spiritual gift has no backing in scripture, experience or logic. It encourages people to look at their feelings and experiences instead of the bible for direction in decrement of their gifts. Teaching singleness as a spiritual gift will mean many will reject singleness and its benefits and blessing in favour of seeking marriage, which is an attitude that brings many problems. When we see singleness as not some spiritually enabled state we can then realise that despite how we fell about it or how we cope living as a single it does not affect whether or not we have the gift.
   
   What sort of Gift is singleness?

Paul is talking about marriage and sex in 1 Corinthians 7, he is answering: ‘the matters you wrote about’ (1 Corinthians 7:1), the questions are based around the matters facing the church in Corinth in the 1st century A.D., probably the cult of aprophdite and the immense sexual immorality that faced them. Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians is not about the purpose and meaning marriage but how the Corinthian believers should relate to the sex worshiping culture and to each other in either marriage or being single. Paul clearly teaches in verse2-4 that sex is between one man and one woman in the context of marriage. The rest of the passage is concerned with the various situations that the believers find themselves in; un-married, widows, young women etc. Paul’s main point is to hold up the sanctity of marriage so that those married to unbelieving partners do not get devoiced (vs 12-16) and also to promote the state of not being married as an option available (and to be encouraged) to believers in which they can have the freedom to serve the Lord: ‘I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs- how he can please the Lord’. (1 Corinthians 7:31).

It is surprising to note out of marriage and singleness the new testament encourages believers to pursue singleness, Paul actively encourages the unmarried believers to stay unmarried:

1. 
   I wish all men were as I am. But each one has his own gift from God, one has this gift another has that. To the unmarried and widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. Vs 7-8
2. 
   nether the less each one should retain the place in Life that the Lord assigned to him and to which the Lord has called him. Vs 17
3. 
   Now about virgins... I think it is good for you to stay as you are, are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried do not look for a wife. But if you do marry you have not sinned. Vs 25-27
4. 
   I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs- how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the interests of this world- how he may please his wife. His interests are divided. I am saying this for your own good not to restrict you but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. Vs 32-33 & 35
5. 
   So then he who marries the virgin does right, he who does not marry her does even better. Vs 38
6. 
   ... others have renounced marriage for the kingdom of heaven. The one who can should accept this. Matthew 19:12

Paul encourages believers who are not married to stay that way. If Paul were talking about the gift of celibacy or a spiritual gift of singleness then he would give these specific commands to those with that gift to use it and remain single for the service of God. To apply these teachings generally to unmarried believers who did not posses either a spiritual gifting of singleness or celibacy would be unreasonable. However that is not the case, instead he gives these commands to all the unmarried believers, that they should seek to remain unmarried in order to better serve and devote themselves to the Lord. These general teachings addressed to those believers who are unmarried show that the gift Paul is talking about in vs 7 is the gift of being in the state of being unmarried or better known as singleness.

What is the gift of singleness therefore? It is according to Paul not being married. How do I know if I have the gift of singleness? ... are you unmarried, if so then congratulations you have the gift of singleness. Paul makes no attempt to classify singleness as a spiritually enabled state, you do not have to spend hours soul searching in prayer and fasting for a revelation of your gifting; it is simply as you are in both being and circumstance. Singleness is a gift given by God, for you and is determined by your circumstance, are you single, then you have the gift of singleness are you married then you have the gift of marriage.

Singleness and marriage should be seen as general gifts that God gives to his people, the phase Paul uses is ‘. But each one has his own gift from God, one has this gift another has that’ this is very inclusive, it means that everyone has a gifting from God in relation to being single or married. God hasn’t forgotten you when he was handing out the gifts, each one has this means you where you are at this precise minute is how God wants you to be. If your unmarried that is the gift God has given you, if you are married that is the gift God has given you, one has this gift another that. God is very generous, he gifts us all in many and different ways: ‘the gift we have from God referred to in 1 Corinthians 7 is our life situation- our total selves and the context in which we are placed’ (John Richardson)

Singleness and marriage are both gifts from God for his church, they are mutually exclusive that is to say at any one time you have either or (you are single or married) and that is determined by your marital status. The gifts are both different and have different benefits and struggles but are both biblically valued. What does this mean then? If we want to be truly ‘evangelical’ then we need to look beyond our culture and Old Testament mindset to see what the bible tells us about singleness. When we see Gods wonderful giftings to his church we can help and encourage each other in our walks in either singleness or marriage as valued and complete members of our church communities recognising our identity is not in our marital status but the cross and our giftings are wonderful gifts God has given to us.

Further Reading:

JOHN RICHARDSON: God sex and marriage; guidance from 1 corinthians 7 (Matthias Press 1995)
AL HSU The single issue (IVP 1998)
KIRSTIN AUNE Single women: challenge to the evangelical church (Authentic 2006)

Singleness in the Shadow of the Cross

It has been noticed that there is an increasing number of single adults within the church congregations. This has created a mixed reaction in a evangelical society where the norm is 2.4 children, there are many different views and approaches to what can be considered a “problem” by some, I want to put forward positive approach to singleness; that is looking how the cross affects our view on singleness and our lives.

When we look at mankind we see our violence and evil, we know that there should be something better, we know that we are capable of better, that man was not made to act in this way, yet we act in a self-centred and evil way that we cannot seem to break out of. Since the fall all of mankind has been cursed, we have been given over to our own self-centredness and desires, we look to ourselves first and foremost despite what hurt it will cause others. We do what we want and what is good for us, we are masters of our own lives and will not submit to anyone.

Also God has withdrawn from us, God cannot be in relationship with us because we have rebelled against him, we’ve said no to God, given him the proverbial middle finger and made ourselves gods over our own lives. God is a holy God, he will not be in competition with others, as such when we rebelled he withdrew from us and our sinfulness. Once in Eden man walked with God, now due to sin man must walk alone.

Rebellion against the Holy God has consequences, one cannot simply return to God, the rebel cannot simply walk back into the court of the king expecting all to be forgiven and forgotten, his crime has made a statement and challenge to the legitimate authority, to leave such a crime to go unpunished would be to invalidate the authority. Our rebellion has a price, a punishment that must be paid and is demanded of us. Before we can return into relationship with God the price of our rebellion must be paid, a price too steep for man to pay. However God, who is in his very nature is love, would not abandon his creations to their rebellious ways and punishment, he provided a way back into relationship with him, the cross.

God demands a perfect life of us, Jesus lived the perfect life for us, where each of us failed and committed sin, Jesus did not “he did no wrong and no deceit was found in his mouth”(1 Peter 2:22). Jesus was the one man who would deserve by his life to be accepted by God, yet there was a different purpose to his life. Paul says “for all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” (Romans 3:22-24) Jesus the only one who could enter into God’s presence was instead a sacrifice to God, a sacrifice to turn away God’s anger at our rebellion. The result is that those who ‘by faith in his blood’ can now be ‘justified freely by his grace’. To those who believe in Jesus’ death in our place, God freely gives justification, a declaration of us being innocent of any sin in his eyes, because a price has been paid for our rebellion, and he can now return into relationship with us and forgive those who ask for it. Did you get that? The almighty God who by rights should only give you punishment, who did not have to do anything for you, did not have to come into this world and save you, did! The result is, by nothing we have done or deserved, we get grace. God’s undeserved favour on us, he gives this to us freely as a gift. To us sinful rebels God gives us a way back to him, he pays the price of our rebellion and gives us his favour. The cross did all this, a costly death in our place that we might be able to return into relationship with the living Holy almighty God.

This is our gospel, this is the heart of our faith, it is more than a doctrinal statement, this is our life! When Christ had paid the price of our sins he lay in the tomb three days, then he rose, he got up and got out of the tomb, “because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him” his work was done, he had paid for our sins, he had no reason to be dead any longer, death had no rights on him, he was raised from the dead as a sign to us of his completed work. By his resurrection we are given assurance that all our sins have been paid for, Jesus died to pay for our sins, the fact that he is alive shows he has paid for our sins, as he cried on the cross “it is finished” because he has finished paying the price of our sins he has no reason to be dead any longer. The penalty of our sins has been paid, Jesus is living proof of that. After his death in our place Jesus came back to life, and more that that when we believe in his death we come to life “if we have been united with him... in his death we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection... if we died with Christ we believe that we will also live with him”(Romans 6:5). When believers trust in Jesus they are forgiven because of Jesus’ death, their sins are no longer held against them and they too can have new life, the can be raised from the dead just as Jesus was, as they are justified before God. The gospel is about salvation but it is also so much more, it permeates into every aspect of our being and life.

What follows are some examples of how the life changing nature of the Gospel affects our view of singleness.

A New Lord

When Jesus began his ministry he message was “repent, for the kingdom of God is near”, the key requirements for a kingdom are: a king, and people for him to rule, Jesus’ call to people to repent and come to him echoes down to us, that call is to accept Jesus as saviour, and Lord. As a result “You are not your own you have been bought at a price”. We are subjects of a new King, who has paid a great price for us, we have accepted Jesus’ sacrifice AND his Lordship. Jesus claims Lordship over us, he is the King appointed by God over his kingdom: ‘all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” (Matt 28:18). He says about his kingship and his demands that his “yoke is easy and burden is light.”(Matthew 11:30)

This is the loving caring king who gives gifts to his servants, for their good and for serve to their new loving king. Singleness comes under this category of a God given gift for serve in his kingdom: “each man has his own gift from God: one has this gift another has that”(1 Corinthians 7:7). We may or may not want to be single, but this is not the issue! We must remember our king is Jesus, he is a king of infinite love and mercy, he gives his people good gifts, he would not withhold anything we would need or want out of spite or malice. Under Jesus’ leadership we have a king who loves us and cares for us and gives us what we need. Jesus’ Lordship means we are not in a position to argue or question his gifts or his goodness: “nevertheless each one should retain the place in life that the Lord has assigned to him and which God has called him.”(1 Corinthians 7:17) God in his infinite wisdom, care and love assigns our place in life, including our marital status, it is not our right to question or to argue back to God, rather it is our place to be grateful and use the gifts he gives us, including singleness. It may seem harsh teaching, but remember who is our King and who is our God? We can fully trust God in all aspects of our life knowing that we have a God who “works for the good of all those who love him”(Romans 8:28), knowing that we can put our minds and hearts at rest as we submit to our God in all things.

A New Identity

When we are asked who we are, what criteria do we use to define ourselves? Do we look to our job, our Family, our Ministry, to define who we are? When we use worldly criteria to define our lives we lose our cross centred mindset. We are “all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:20) this was Paul’s definition for believers, a reminder to where and in who they find their identity, their purpose for being. We are new creations, we are saved by Grace, we are all individually known and loved by the almighty creator of the universe, loved so much that he died for you, loved so much he wants to spend eternity with you. Our Identity and worth is found not in the passing materialism of this earth, we have an eternal worth and significance that is found in Christ and demonstrated by the cross. How much are you worth? You were thought worth enough that Jesus died for you. What are you doing here? You are now a child of God, you are here to live for God and tell other of the love he has shown for you.

So often is we are single we can feel we are lacking or are incomplete than those who are married, we lose sight of our identity. If we are single we should not let our singleness define us as different, imperfect, incomplete, inferior/(superior?) to any other of our brothers or sisters. Yes in church and society single Christians can feel especially excluded, there are pressures on them to conform to the set pattern of behaviour in society or the church. Yet whatever we feel about our singleness our marital situation does not define us, the cross does. The cross says we are loved children of the creator God, it says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). The cross says when I come to God in faith in Jesus I am accepted and am made complete, I do not need anything else to complete me or to define me, my whole identity and purpose of being is found in Jesus. Do not let the world fool you into thinking because you are single you are anything less than you are.

A new hope

If Jesus returned before you were married would you feel robbed or cheated? A stark question, yet how much under the surface is that niggling feeling that possibly yes we might feel that we had missed out on something if we had not been married and experienced the joy of sex. Perhaps this isn’t under the surface, perhaps this is in the forefront of your mind and is a struggle for you. Part of the new relationship we have with God is a hope of a new and perfect eternal home.

This is not all there is, as believers we have a hope that one day we will be with Christ in glory. It should be this hope that motivates us to service and Christian living, “to live is Christ, to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21) remembering that “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all”(2 Corinthians 4:13) in this we can live enriched purpose filled lives. For those who are single this means our singleness is but light and monetary, we have a far greater destiny to come. Whether we get married or not does not matter in light of eternity: Jesus in Matt 19:12 says “others have renounced marriage for the kingdom of God” and Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:17&31 says “nevertheless each one should retain the place in life that the Lord has assigned to him and which God has called him... For this present world in its form is passing away” both encourage believers to look away from the temporal (marriage and this earth) and instead pursue the eternal things of God, in light of eternity marriage (should!) pale into insignificance as we contemplate the paradise that awaits us where we can live and be in full relationship with God. Jesus’ ministry was full of encouragement for his followers to look to the eternal things and the kingdom that awaits them: “for where your heart is there your treasure will be also” (Luke 12:24) what are we looking to, have we become obsessed with marriage that we forget the eternal destiny that awaits us. For single Christians our new hope of heaven serves to remind us we are but travellers on this earth on our way to an eternal home, the troubles and trials that come with singleness are nothing in relation to eternity where all will be changed and made perfect, instead we should look to our hope and fix our eyes and hearts on what is to come:

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
(Revelation 21:1-4)

A new Joy

We live in a self centred cultured, the emphasis is on getting pleasure now in whatever form we like. However this world cannot give us lasting and complete joy. There can only be one source of joy in our lives as Christians, and that is Jesus. Through Jesus we have a new life, a new hope, a new identity and a new relationship with God. If we look for joy anywhere elsewhere we will be sadly disappointed, we may look for joy in being single, or we may look for joy in getting married. Being single or being married both can bring you happiness but they will also both bring hardships, there is NO lasting joy in singleness or in marriage, looking to get married because you are not happy being single will not give you the answer to you problems and your lack of joy. Joy should be and can only be found in Jesus: in his love for us, his achievement at the cross and in following him.

The cross is the greatest event in human history, it impacts our whole lives, as believers we cannot ignore it. It becomes the centre of our lives, marking us as different. To single Christians it is a reminder that we are loved more fully than any one else could, it is a promise of an eternal glory where all will be perfect and the troubles, strife and loneliness we face will be no more. It encourages us to live as we are, not looking to change our single status but to leave it in God’s hands and pursue him above all else.

Concluding Challenges:
1) Are we looking to the temporal or the eternal
2) Are we looking at ourselves and our wants and desires or are we looking to Jesus and committing ourselves to following him above all.

Further reading:

MARK MEYNELL: Cross-Examined (IVP 2001)

JOHN STOTT: The Cross Of Christ (IVP 1989)

JOHN PIPER: The Passion of Jesus Christ (Crossway 2004)

JERRY BRIDGES: The Discipline of Grace (Navpress 1994)

TERRY VIRGO: God’s Lavish Grace (Monarch books 2004)

MARCUS HONEYSETT: Finding Joy (IVP 2005)

WELCOME $:)

Hello
Well if you have been looking at this site but haven't seen anything for a while i must aplogise. Last term was very hectic, missions, training weekends, etc.

I have however not been idol, i have been reading and devouring forming thoughts (and being very challanged!)

I hope to begin to publish frequently now, please enjoy, comment and seek His glory

EVERY SINGE MANS BATTLE

Stephen Arterburn & Fred Stoker

Part of the Every Man series, a set of books aimed at Spiritual and Sexual Integrity. This book is definitely the latter. The Author Stephen Arterburn is one of the main series writers. He was married but tragically his marriage failed, as such he found himself single and realised that singleness is a much neglected ministry, so he wrote this book. The result is a very personal, very honest, and immensely challenging book. This book is aimed at men, no mistake.

The book promotes accountability groups between men, especially single men, a much neglected part of male ministry. Reading this I was shouting YES! This is an area that Christians need to realise we are not individuals but called into fellowship with our brothers (and sisters), holiness being a personal and communal responsibility and as such we need to be accountable in community.

The book also addresses WHO God is, what claims God has on your life. From there it encourages single men to therefore submit to God and pursue holiness. Again a wonderful point, if we do not recognise God’s rights on our life, what incentive do we to have to be holy or to submit?!?

The writer has also looked into physiology and other sciences. He looks in detail at the affects of sex and masturbation on the brain, showing the science of addiction, and its sociological impact. I haven’t read anything like this before, it’s scary and yet true. Showing how the fallen world and our fallen bodies can so easily corrupt God’s gift of personal, intimate, marital sex.

For those who need more of a kick, or who want to put the accountability into practice there is a workbook element of the book. In fact half the book is a workbook with questions that relate to the chapters in this book (and also every mans battle) aimed for you and your group to address in a personal accountable environment.

However. This book is designed for Sexual integrity, as such reading you would think that every single mans battle is related to sex and lust. Yes guys struggle with this more than girls. HOWEVER issues like money, loneliness, language, ministry, identity etc do not come up. Also there is no teaching on what the gift of singleness as presented in the Bible is (or that it is a gift). The book is about sex, sexual integrity as a single man. Nothing else. The writer is very personal and as such his perspective on these things comes out a lot, for him after being divorced the major issue he faced was how to deal with his sexuality. Also his experiences shape what he thinks on these issues.

Overall, a good resource for men that struggle with sexual integrity. However as a book on singleness, it won’t do much to help your thinking on what it means to be and live as a single Christian in today’s society (apart from what to do with your libido).

IF SINGLENESS IS A GIFT WHAT’S THE RETURN POLICY?

Holly Virden & Michelle McKinney Hammond


From the title alone this looks to be a promising book that relates to the problems and struggles singles face. The rest of the book deals with such issues. Written By two ladies in America who are involved in Women’s ministry, one of them, Michelle, being a full time Christian author. The garish purple stripes and a pair of female authors might give a clue that this book is aimed at women. The book is written for single Christians, however at times the authors do seem to forget and talk to the female readers. The book is American, nothing against Americans but it does mean you have to cross the cultural barriers at times.

The book is lifestyle/ issue focused, giving practical and godly advice in living and working through Christian single living. The subjects tackled include:
Self Worth/ Identity
Desiring God
Using your freedom for God
Time Management and time priorities
Frustrations of being single
Relationships/dating
Filling your life with Jesus

The book’s aim is to refocus its readers back on God and not on their marital situation. They highlight the relational part of our being was created by God, with the main purpose of relationship with Him. Since the fall we are all longing (and needing) relationship with God, therefore that “hole” in each of us we long to fill should be only filled with God. Their point being how can a man (or partner) fill an emptiness in your soul that can only filled by God!

In regards to relationships etc. The book emphasises that we should be preparing ourselves for them NOT seeking them. That we should be enhancing our godly character, looking to preserve our purity and develop our Christ-like character and seeking communion with God first and foremost. Yes this is important and should be stressed as it encourages maturity in faith and helps us tear our minds away form the obsession of relationships. However I feel that the book could stress that despite however mature in our faith we become we may not get married. The book could be more explicit on that, although not easy or pleasant it is true and something we do all need to realise on our walk as singles through life.

Other positive parts are the book is its honesty in dealing with issues, the personal experiences these woman share do seem to echo common experiences of single people (lonely nights in front of the TV anyone???). Also it is very clear on Right and Wrong, when we can become self pitying or be tempted not to draw the line, the book reminds us there is still a standard that we should be looking to despite our situation and how we feel about it. Time and time again the books points to God and the bible for all our answers to our problems, it aims to pull readers out of themselves and to put their eyes back to their faith and to their saviour.

The only negative I found is that it could do more of producing a theology of singleness. What does the bible say about singleness, what does this mean etc etc. However, there are other books that provide that e.g.: THE SINGLE ISSUE/ GOD, SEX & MARRAGE/ SINGLE WOMEN: CHALANGE TO THE EVANGELICAL CHURCH.

Overall an easily readable book, offering godly advice on practical living as a single Christian. Focused mainly to women, the teaching still is useful to men, showing our real need for relationships is met and fulfilled in Jesus.

SINGLE WOMEN: CHALLENGE TO THE EVANGELICAL CHURCH

Kirstin Aune
I picked this up on Spring Harvest (one of the only 3 books relating to singleness in the book store). This book is a survey done on single women in the Church, written mainly to Evangelical Church leaders. The main aim of the book is to highlight the numbers of single women in the church, to show what issues they face, what support they have received from the church and to offer suggested action for the church to take based on the results and at the same time produce a theology of singleness.

A lot of facts and figures in this, both about society and the church. The main are as follows:
65% of the evangelical congregation are Female
35% of the evangelical congregations are single
68% of the SINGLE evangelical congregation are Female

In relation to the Church and it’s teaching on singleness the author found:
In Church:
40% had never heard a sermon on singleness
40% had heard very little on singleness
20% had heard a limited amount
Out of Church:
20% had been given teaching, in small group context or Christian unions at Uni
Overall:
1/3 had never had any teaching on singleness. (Shocking, yes)


The author divides her survey into sections: Society, the Church, Relationships, Husband hunting (issues relating to men, sex and romance) and Attitudes (of society, and from within the church). In general the book, shows the research of both positive and negative experiences of single women in these areas, often citing their comments from the survey to give real insight into the minds and hearts and experiences (many rather sad) of the women in our pews.

This book does make shocking reading, it shows that there really are very mixed views across the evangelical churches on how women look at singleness and its related issues. Also highlighted is a perceived duality, where women can see singleness in a positive light but due to experience and pressures (of society, biological and within the Church) regard singleness as an inferior state to marriage.

Chapter 5 in the book the writer forms her theology on singleness. This is a concise and excellent piece of writing. First she discusses the Old Testament theology of marriage, family and salvation. Then she explains how the coming of Jesus radically changes that. That we now belong to a spiritual family, that salvation and expanding that spiritual family comes through evangelism (spiritual reproduction not biological). She also shows that now marriage within the new testament is secondary to heaven and all believers should pursue heaven first. She also looks at Jesus’ teaching and also the 1 Corinthians passage. I recommend this chapter to all people no mater their marital status! The writer also looks at female sexuality and how to express it as a single Christian, well I’m a guy and I didn’t really get much of this, I agree that we are commanded to remain celibate (as does the author) yet we are not called to repress our sexuality (though how this works out for women I cannot comment)

Also in the book is the issue of where are all the men? She highlights the need for more outreach to men, NOT for the sake of providing men for al the single women, BUT because all people need the gospel and this is an area where the church is not reaching.

The last chapter of the book is her recommendations for the Church. Most of all more teaching on singleness by people who understand, more care/awareness in the church for singles and what the gift of singleness means. And the urgent need for more women’s ministry.

The book is a survey and does highlight areas of struggle for single women within the Church, the issues relating to attitudes of the Church to singles also impact single men as well. I do feel the book gets a bit het up on the issue of female-leadership, and takes opportunity to use the book as a platform to put forward her own opinion on the subject. I think that it is matter for church leadership and members should respect the stance of their church, yet the ideas and opinions of single women need to be considered within the Church.

Overall this book is a wake up call to the church, a call to examine its views on and attitudes to singleness and whether they are shaped by the bible or culture! The chapter on theology is concrete and worth reading.? The book as a whole is especially useful to church leaders and those who have roles in ministry of any kind. A book that certainly requires a response. Times have changed yet has the Church?

THE SINGLE ISSUE

Al Hsu This is the one of the two most commonly available books on the issue of Singleness. The aim of this book is twofold, first to help people understand the meaning of “the gift of singleness” and second to advocate Singleness as a way of life.

Initially the book focuses on the situation of Singleness, within society (both secular and Christian), and from there follows onto ‘a brief history of singleness’ looking as to where today’s attitudes have come from, first looking at the Old testament, then the New Testament, and the impact of the Reformation.

From there Hsu forms his theology of Singleness, looking at 1 Corinthians chapter 7. In this he aims to refute common held “myths” of singleness/celibacy. He argues Singleness IS a gift, BUT NOT a spiritual gift (as many argue). This is a pivotal point to the issue of Christian singleness that people need to think through. IF singleness is a spiritual gift then if you can’t cope with the single life/God has not equipped you for living as a single person then you should get married. IF however as Hsu argues Singleness is a general gift given by God, like marriage, then it does not mean we should expect to be supernaturally enabled as we live the single life, yet still must view singleness as a God given gift. Don’t get me wrong God always looks after his sons and daughters, and God will help us in our lives whether single or married, my point is neither will be easy!

Hsu moves to look at the Issue of God’s will in relation to singleness and Marriage, he has two points. First the bible never says we will get married, he is blunt, possibly too harsh, but it is a point that needs to be made. Second, there is no “perfect partner” and no to view God as the matchmaker. He insists God has not planned out a person for everyone, his aim being to get people to live their life in the moment for God not gazing wistfully into the future for something that may or may not happen. Again I agree with the conclusion of this, that God calls us to live our lives now as he has put us, so if we are currently single we should be living lives to please him and for him as single Christians, and not to place our lives (and ministries) on “hold” waiting for marriage. I do have issues with his view on sovereignty, in my opinion yes God has it all planned and we can (and should) trust him in all things, including our marital situation, if God chooses to change that fine, if not then that is also fine. Yet we mere humans cannot understand God’s overall control of the universe, we can trust in what we know (God is good, God gives us good gifts etc) and what we do not know (whether or not we will get married) we can lay at his feet and live out what God has revealed to us at the present moment in our lives (Deut 29:29).

The rest of the book is more related to Christian living, tackling the “big” issues single Christians face. Chapter 6 deals with freedom and opportunity. Hsu deals with issues like, service, personal growth, ministry and mission, the freedom not to marry. A challenging chapter that makes you see past the discouragement you face and helps you see the areas of blessing you take for granted and shows you the real rewards and freedom of singleness.

Chapter 7, by far my favourite chapter, deals with “from loneliness to solitude”. Loneliness is one of the biggest issues singles face, Hsu shows that there is a difference from being alone to being lonely (ones a situation, the other is an emotion). ‘fellowship with God is the solution to loneliness. Companionship with fellow Christians is the cure for aloneness.’ Hsu looks at how to make the most of those quiet times in your life, filling your time with God, and the importance of devolving community with church and fellow believers. Very worth while reading to challenge you.

The rest of the book is further challenges to Romance, and the pitfalls and dangers of Christian single living (self-centredness, putting you life on hold, finance). These sections highlight where single Christians often struggle and provides encouragement to simply re-think why these areas are hard and what you can actively do to change and enjoy life more.

This book does I think have some of the best teaching on Christian singleness out on bookshelves. HOWEVER, it is by no means perfect. I sense a lot of bitterness in the book at times, he does like to point out where either the media promotes false values of “happily ever after”, or blaming married couples for singles problems (yes married couples in churches can unintentionally cause problems but blame is NOT a good way to deal with that). His chapter on community is slightly odd, he promotes singles groups (also known as Kairos or SAM), I think his logic here is very flawed: single people within the church feel isolated from the church community, therefore they need to be included, therefore the church should run single peoples groups..... yeah like that’s going to help the singles in the church feel included within the church community! I haven’t made my mind up on the whole concept of “singles groups” within churches yet keep you posted. Often also I feel the application is not the most logical or advisable, again with any book, look at the principal and see if you agree with the application. Lastly, the book is not the most sympathetic read Hsu does tend to lay the standard and expects people to come up to his level, I feel more could be done to relate to the readers to help them think through the issue of living as a Single Christian.
Overall, yes a good book, I would recommend reading it alongside another book. His main aim to promote singleness as an active lifestyle for God is important and something that all people need to read and live out. He deals with and combats myths within the church that so easily pass unchallenged and will give fresh insight into what the “gift of singleness” actually is.

GOD, SEX AND MARRAGE

John Richards
A small book from Matthias Media (now the Good Book Company). It is a book looking at (unsurprisingly) Paul’s teachings on 1 Corinthians, add with very amusing cartoons. For those wanting to understand what 1 Corinthians says to believers about “God sex and marriage” this is a very good book to start with.

This is a set of Bible studies so it is not looking into to lifestyle issues but looking at what the bible is saying to us. In relation to Singleness, it looks to what the Greek expressions mean, this is important as because much of church teaching is based around the English translations. He says the Gift of singleness is “our life situation- our total selves in the context we are placed.” The writer says people may have natural dispositions towards marriage, but that does not mean we have that gift, God’s gift is also worked out through circumstances. His point: “The response called for is to trust, serve... and become more like Christ”.

Also dealt with is the teaching on ‘Mixed marriages’, ‘God’s calling’ and ‘Do not seek a wife’. Again all dealt with in a warm, wise and biblical manner.

For those wanting to look more at Singleness I would recommend this book to start with to gain a foundation of what the bible says to believers on the issue of singleness, and trusting in God in all situations: “Rather than worrying about changing our lives we should concentrate on living them”.

I KISSED DATING GOODBYE

Josh Harris
Yes its that dreaded book, like marmite you either love it or you hate it. Published 1997, this book caused (and still causes) a stir, it raises reactions from its readers, I don’t think this book won’t be controversial. Now before we go any further, please put out of your head all you previous pre-conceptions of this book or opinions. What is the aim of this book? It says it is about “a new attitude toward romance and relationships”. Why? Basically secular culture is at such a level is influences all of us, especially young people, in our attitudes and perceptions of relationships and sex. The book shows we need to stand back and see what God says on the issues facing us in Romance and Relationships.

The first part re-thinks romance, looking ‘beyond what feels good back to what is good’. In a self obsessed culture where ‘I do what feels good to me’ it is a helpful reminder that we are here for Christ and not our own enjoyment. It looks at the gift of singleness, purity and pursing God first. All done again in a very relational and warm but biblical way, again showing singleness is an opportunity to serve the Lord, to grow in your faith and be used for God. After it looks at lifestyle issues like, making the most of your gifts, friendships, purity and forgiveness from your past through the cross.

The book is rather American and again there are cultural barriers to cross. BUT the teaching in it is good. I think the problem is people read this book and take away the application not the point. The classic being “don’t kiss your girlfriend”, that had people up in arms crying out “legalism”, why does he say this? He says this as this was his personal choice, he recommends it to his readers, his point being that we should seek to preserve our purity and not to rouse emotions we are not ready for. Now okay I take this is as very good advice, how do you apply the principal HONESTLEY to your relationships is something you have to work out (if your not towing the line then maybe try his advice!). If people remember this book is not the word of God but explains it very well it would cause a lot less angst.

This book is challenging, it will probe your life and make you think through your attitudes about, love, relationships, singleness and even friendships. It encourages you to put your marital situation back into God’s hands. To get out of the relationship obssesed mentality. The book encourages you to live out your life building yourself up in Christ, and building others up and all the time trusting in the God who cares for you. The book challenges you not to give into the world or be defined by it but to stand apart for God and seek his ways first.

JOURNAL FOR BIBLICAL MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD VOL.5:2

http://www.cbmw.org/journal/editions/5-2.pdf

THE HOLY VOCATION OF SINGLENESS (journal for biblical manhood and womanhood vol 5:2)
John Chapman

A short article but again concise. Chapman deals with the issue of Kingdom perspective we so often lack in regards to singleness. “We need to remind ourselves that now, in the world, the extension of the Kingdom of God and the spread of the Gospel are our highest priorities. When we take our place in the New Creation there will be time and
opportunity to pursue everything that is good.” Again essential to understanding singleness is the need to understand the cross and its implications on our lives now and in eternity.

Chapman also addresses the issues of ministry, with singleness comes the time and ability to devote ourselves to “the affairs of the Lord”. He also desires to put forward the balance between singleness and marriage, both being gifts of equal value. The role of Church in a single Christians life is also shown to be vital, if we need community and have no “biological” family we need to spend time with our spiritual family. Ending with a challenge to the church for respect and incorporating to singles in their congregations.


GIFT OF SINGLENESS? YOUR NOT SERRIOUS? (journal for biblical manhood and womanhood vol 5:2))
Kirstiy Birkett and Lois Hagger

Again another short but concise journal article. The aim of this piece is to examine reasons for staying single in the light of 1 Corinthians 7. It starts with a brief look at secular culture, that makes an idol of sex and how that thinking can subconsciously enter our mindset: I am not complete unless I am having sex, hang on I’m a Christian, to have sex I must be married, so therefore I need to get married. That might sound ridiculous, but think on it. It encourages people to use their singleness to devote themselves to God’s work. It looks at misconceptions of marriage and compares them to the freedom of singleness, and the need for first and foremost for a relationship with God.

It does end with a challenge. There is a call for people to examine the reasons why they want to marry, are they the same as what the bible teaches on marriage? Do we desire marriage for the building up of our partners in Christ and to model Christ’s love for his Church? Or do we desire marriage for other reasons? Also it gives a case to examine our singleness, are we choosing to stay single to serve God? Or to enjoy our freedom in a selfish way?

WHO IS MY FAMILY

Elizabeth Lockwood

http://www.cbmw.org/resources/articles/eLockwood-Singleness.pdf

Again another article off the CBMW website. The article looks at the single Christians role within the community of believers, emphasizing why community is important to singles and that local churches will become the single Christian’s families. The Church therefore needs to be aware of issues single Christians face and the bibles teaching so they can minister singles within the church community. It’s a two way thing, both the need for the single Christian to be ministered to and seek fellowship and the church to minister and assimilate single Christians into their community.

Lockwood starts by examining the two differences approaches to singleness by Christian singles, first the negative, living in desperation. She helpfully shows that this is a selfish view and unproductive to a single Christian: “the Christian immersed in the culture of self is preoccupied with the temporal whilst the eternal lies unappreciated and unexplored”. Then she moves to look at the positive attitude of the Christian to singleness; that is contentment. She helpfully looks at Philippians 4:10 showing that contentment is a discipline that requires learning and patience: “I have LEARNED in whatever situation I am to be content”.

Lockwood also looks at realities of singleness, her aim being to show what problems singles face so both singles and the church can work together to shape ministry for singles. She looks at: not all are single by choice (and the reality that many will not marry), loneliness and proper sexual expression. She ends by showing that being single compliments ministry providing more opportunities and less concerns for going into the mission field. She also encourages her readers to accept where and how God has placed them and to pursue his kingdom.
Again a good article quickly read with food for thought for both singles and church leaders (or those in ministry). The call to selflessly pursue God and his kingdom, despite whatever you may feel about being single, is one that should be embraced.

BLOG: Solo Feminity

http://solofemininity.blogs.com/

This is Carolyn McCulley’s blog, she has written the many books including “did I kiss marriage goodbye”. She writes mainly for single women and there are many useful articles on her blog that can be accessed. Many useful articles that provoke thought.

PURE

Linda Marshall This years UCCF hot book, aimed for students and young adults with the aim of re-establishing God’s view of sex and relationship in a sex obsessed society. There are many good short sections on gender, forgiveness and purity. Friendship: looking at how guys and girls tick and think, with the aim of helping you think through how you interact and develop friendship with the opposite sex. Forgiveness: in a sex saturated and obsessed society it is common for Christians pre-conversion (and sadly post-conversion) to have been sexually active, here Linda wonderfully reminds us the cross takes away our guilt and shame.

The section on gifts is short, it emphasizes that singleness and marriage are “gifts God gives for us to serve him” and she addresses the myths that surround the gift of singleness, then moving to look at contentment. The section is short and won’t answer all your questions in detail, but then it is not designed to. It is more a quick overview of singleness that provides a good foundation from which to expand with further reading.
Short and brief and very helpful for re-gaining God’s view on sex and relationships, aimed to help you re-adjust you life and attitudes back to how God wants you to be. It also comes with a course so groups can work through it together. There has been much positive feedback from students and reviewers. Defiantly worth a read alongside other books.

SEX AND SENSIBILTY

Steve Ayers (1997 IVP)
This is an older book, I think the book that preceded ‘relationship revolution’. Steve Ayers is the author who wrote the “What would Jesus say to…” book. Again not a book on singleness per say but it has a good section looking at culture and how that influences our views on friendships and relationships: “we live in a generation desperate for intimacy… but we have been hurt therefore we shy away from commitment”. The author is obviously clued in on the undercurrents of our generation, he writes in a way that is easy to read and relates well to his audience.

The format of the book is well done:
Chapter 1: Generation X, looking at cultural influences on our approach to sex and relationships

Chapter 2: Loneliness, a problem facing young people (singles or not) in society
Chapter 3: Friendship, how should we approach and conduct friendships, pursing intimate real friendships.
Chapter 4: Guidance about starting relationships

Chapter 5: The bible and sex: what the bible says
Chapter 6: Dealing with the past, in relation to previous sexual experience
Chapter 7: Marriage, looking beyond rocks and bells

Chapter 9: The Gospel, God and us in relationship.

The layout makes the book flow naturally. As I said it is not a book on singleness but I think that chapters 1-4 are very useful for singles to read. Looking at building up friendships in a society where we are not good at being intimate is valuable reading, the chapter on Generation X is also good, it shows just how much you sub-consciously take in. I guess my only criticism as a book is the Gospel is at the end, if our lives are now the gospel then I would personally put the gospel at the start of any book. The book gives straight, simple and loving teaching on living to the bible’s teaching in relationships (friendship and other sorts) in a self obsessed and closed generation.

BOY MEETS GIRL

Josh Harris
A book on relationships… hang on this is a blog on singleness. Let me explain, one problem for single Christians is that they can become obsessed about relationships and finding “the perfect one”. Also adding to this, single Christians do end up in relationships, therefore teaching on relationships is needed, either as a clarification for singles’ miss-conceptions on relationships or as preparation for the future.

Why did I find this book useful as a single Christian? Well the aim of the book is to make the readers view relationships as “God centered”. He uses the bible clearly to show biblical principals for God centered relationships, the most important being that marriage is serving God together. First this helps you see past the self centeredness that so often can cloud peoples approach to relationships. Second, it is scary! In reading this book the first time it made me think through how I viewed relationships and the commitment involved. It made me realizes the amount of sacrifice involved. Why should singles read this book, well it might just scare you so much that you end up embracing your single status.

Well my experience of the book aside, it does make you think seriously about relationships in many helpful ways. It helps you get out of the mindset of “he/she is a Christian, he/she is single, therefore he/she is a potential husband/wife”. When you relies the commitment involved and that marriage is to serve God it makes you re-think what you are looking for in a partner, in terms of godly compatibility and outlook on ministry.

Harris looks at the importance of basing relationships in friendship, keeping your relationship to the appropriate level where you are, at not where you want to be at. Again purity features heavily, it seems to be a trend in American literature, but again this is an important discipline so don’t neglect it. Also is an excellent chapter on dealing with the past and experiencing God’s forgiveness, as I have mentioned increasing numbers of believers have had past sexual experience and often it holds them back or drags them down in guilt, the challenge here is to face up to the past in a relationship and accept God’s forgiveness.
Again many people have “issues” with Josh Harris, as I say, take his principal then look at the application. For a book on relationships and how to approach them, I recommend this one, warm and biblical, it will give a good grounding in what relationships are there for and what they are about, vital points that are often forgotten in the craze of media, peer pressure, fallen nature and barrages of hormones.

SEX IS NOT THE PROBLEM: LUST IS

Josh Harris
Also known as “not even a hint”, this is a book on purity. Aimed at both men and women (although I think it relates more to men) the aim is liberate you from the lies of lust. “lust ruins our relationships, robs us of spiritual passion and leaves us feeling hollow”. Be warned this book has a high squirmish factor, it will challenge and it will convict.

The book is divided into three sections, the first is the foundation of the teaching on lust. First, why is lust a problem, what does it do to us, second looking at the creation, what is part of our human makeup and what of our sinful natures. Then most importantly looking at how to find the power to change. The message is “you can’t save yourself”, how true, whatever steps, approaches, plans etc you put into place won’t solve your problems, you need God. Looking at our freedom from sin and our need for the holy sprit in our lives “that teaches us to say ‘no’ to all ungodliness and worldly passions” (Titus 2:11)

After laying the framework and showing that we must seek God’s help in whatever we do to fight lust, Harris moves on to look at issues we battle with in regards to lust: where are we weakest (a more self analyzing chapter), Gender differences and how we can help each other as brothers and sisters, Masturbation, temptations of the media. All honest and very provoking. After that he looks at how to deal long term with lust, specifically accountability groups, using the sword of the spirit/ how can the truth help me defeat the lies. Lastly with a conclusion and a call to persevere in your struggles, fighting lust is a battle, sometimes we’re winning, sometimes we’re on the back foot, he encourages us not to give up.
Like most of Harris’ writing this is very warm and biblical and relates well to the reader. Most criticize his work for being too extreme or legalistic, I haven’t heard that comment leveled at this book, so even if you dislike Harris this book is still for you! Lust can be a barrier between us and God, if we seek satisfaction elsewhere than him that will hinder our relationship, for singles lust is a problem we face (just as married Christians also face lust), if your struggling in this area I do recommend this book, read and act on it!

Web site resources:

I spent some time searching the internet for useful resources for Single Christians, Unfortunatly there realy is nothing out there, and don't even think about typing "single christian" into google. But trawling through the rubish and online dating i did find two sites that i will TENTITIVLY put forward:

CROSWALK:
http://www.crosswalk.com/community/singles/singles.archive.html
http://www.crosswalk.com/community/singles.html

PURPOSEFUL SINGLENESS

http://www.singleness.org/