Singleness in the Shadow of the Cross

It has been noticed that there is an increasing number of single adults within the church congregations. This has created a mixed reaction in a evangelical society where the norm is 2.4 children, there are many different views and approaches to what can be considered a “problem” by some, I want to put forward positive approach to singleness; that is looking how the cross affects our view on singleness and our lives.

When we look at mankind we see our violence and evil, we know that there should be something better, we know that we are capable of better, that man was not made to act in this way, yet we act in a self-centred and evil way that we cannot seem to break out of. Since the fall all of mankind has been cursed, we have been given over to our own self-centredness and desires, we look to ourselves first and foremost despite what hurt it will cause others. We do what we want and what is good for us, we are masters of our own lives and will not submit to anyone.

Also God has withdrawn from us, God cannot be in relationship with us because we have rebelled against him, we’ve said no to God, given him the proverbial middle finger and made ourselves gods over our own lives. God is a holy God, he will not be in competition with others, as such when we rebelled he withdrew from us and our sinfulness. Once in Eden man walked with God, now due to sin man must walk alone.

Rebellion against the Holy God has consequences, one cannot simply return to God, the rebel cannot simply walk back into the court of the king expecting all to be forgiven and forgotten, his crime has made a statement and challenge to the legitimate authority, to leave such a crime to go unpunished would be to invalidate the authority. Our rebellion has a price, a punishment that must be paid and is demanded of us. Before we can return into relationship with God the price of our rebellion must be paid, a price too steep for man to pay. However God, who is in his very nature is love, would not abandon his creations to their rebellious ways and punishment, he provided a way back into relationship with him, the cross.

God demands a perfect life of us, Jesus lived the perfect life for us, where each of us failed and committed sin, Jesus did not “he did no wrong and no deceit was found in his mouth”(1 Peter 2:22). Jesus was the one man who would deserve by his life to be accepted by God, yet there was a different purpose to his life. Paul says “for all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” (Romans 3:22-24) Jesus the only one who could enter into God’s presence was instead a sacrifice to God, a sacrifice to turn away God’s anger at our rebellion. The result is that those who ‘by faith in his blood’ can now be ‘justified freely by his grace’. To those who believe in Jesus’ death in our place, God freely gives justification, a declaration of us being innocent of any sin in his eyes, because a price has been paid for our rebellion, and he can now return into relationship with us and forgive those who ask for it. Did you get that? The almighty God who by rights should only give you punishment, who did not have to do anything for you, did not have to come into this world and save you, did! The result is, by nothing we have done or deserved, we get grace. God’s undeserved favour on us, he gives this to us freely as a gift. To us sinful rebels God gives us a way back to him, he pays the price of our rebellion and gives us his favour. The cross did all this, a costly death in our place that we might be able to return into relationship with the living Holy almighty God.

This is our gospel, this is the heart of our faith, it is more than a doctrinal statement, this is our life! When Christ had paid the price of our sins he lay in the tomb three days, then he rose, he got up and got out of the tomb, “because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him” his work was done, he had paid for our sins, he had no reason to be dead any longer, death had no rights on him, he was raised from the dead as a sign to us of his completed work. By his resurrection we are given assurance that all our sins have been paid for, Jesus died to pay for our sins, the fact that he is alive shows he has paid for our sins, as he cried on the cross “it is finished” because he has finished paying the price of our sins he has no reason to be dead any longer. The penalty of our sins has been paid, Jesus is living proof of that. After his death in our place Jesus came back to life, and more that that when we believe in his death we come to life “if we have been united with him... in his death we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection... if we died with Christ we believe that we will also live with him”(Romans 6:5). When believers trust in Jesus they are forgiven because of Jesus’ death, their sins are no longer held against them and they too can have new life, the can be raised from the dead just as Jesus was, as they are justified before God. The gospel is about salvation but it is also so much more, it permeates into every aspect of our being and life.

What follows are some examples of how the life changing nature of the Gospel affects our view of singleness.

A New Lord

When Jesus began his ministry he message was “repent, for the kingdom of God is near”, the key requirements for a kingdom are: a king, and people for him to rule, Jesus’ call to people to repent and come to him echoes down to us, that call is to accept Jesus as saviour, and Lord. As a result “You are not your own you have been bought at a price”. We are subjects of a new King, who has paid a great price for us, we have accepted Jesus’ sacrifice AND his Lordship. Jesus claims Lordship over us, he is the King appointed by God over his kingdom: ‘all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.” (Matt 28:18). He says about his kingship and his demands that his “yoke is easy and burden is light.”(Matthew 11:30)

This is the loving caring king who gives gifts to his servants, for their good and for serve to their new loving king. Singleness comes under this category of a God given gift for serve in his kingdom: “each man has his own gift from God: one has this gift another has that”(1 Corinthians 7:7). We may or may not want to be single, but this is not the issue! We must remember our king is Jesus, he is a king of infinite love and mercy, he gives his people good gifts, he would not withhold anything we would need or want out of spite or malice. Under Jesus’ leadership we have a king who loves us and cares for us and gives us what we need. Jesus’ Lordship means we are not in a position to argue or question his gifts or his goodness: “nevertheless each one should retain the place in life that the Lord has assigned to him and which God has called him.”(1 Corinthians 7:17) God in his infinite wisdom, care and love assigns our place in life, including our marital status, it is not our right to question or to argue back to God, rather it is our place to be grateful and use the gifts he gives us, including singleness. It may seem harsh teaching, but remember who is our King and who is our God? We can fully trust God in all aspects of our life knowing that we have a God who “works for the good of all those who love him”(Romans 8:28), knowing that we can put our minds and hearts at rest as we submit to our God in all things.

A New Identity

When we are asked who we are, what criteria do we use to define ourselves? Do we look to our job, our Family, our Ministry, to define who we are? When we use worldly criteria to define our lives we lose our cross centred mindset. We are “all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:20) this was Paul’s definition for believers, a reminder to where and in who they find their identity, their purpose for being. We are new creations, we are saved by Grace, we are all individually known and loved by the almighty creator of the universe, loved so much that he died for you, loved so much he wants to spend eternity with you. Our Identity and worth is found not in the passing materialism of this earth, we have an eternal worth and significance that is found in Christ and demonstrated by the cross. How much are you worth? You were thought worth enough that Jesus died for you. What are you doing here? You are now a child of God, you are here to live for God and tell other of the love he has shown for you.

So often is we are single we can feel we are lacking or are incomplete than those who are married, we lose sight of our identity. If we are single we should not let our singleness define us as different, imperfect, incomplete, inferior/(superior?) to any other of our brothers or sisters. Yes in church and society single Christians can feel especially excluded, there are pressures on them to conform to the set pattern of behaviour in society or the church. Yet whatever we feel about our singleness our marital situation does not define us, the cross does. The cross says we are loved children of the creator God, it says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). The cross says when I come to God in faith in Jesus I am accepted and am made complete, I do not need anything else to complete me or to define me, my whole identity and purpose of being is found in Jesus. Do not let the world fool you into thinking because you are single you are anything less than you are.

A new hope

If Jesus returned before you were married would you feel robbed or cheated? A stark question, yet how much under the surface is that niggling feeling that possibly yes we might feel that we had missed out on something if we had not been married and experienced the joy of sex. Perhaps this isn’t under the surface, perhaps this is in the forefront of your mind and is a struggle for you. Part of the new relationship we have with God is a hope of a new and perfect eternal home.

This is not all there is, as believers we have a hope that one day we will be with Christ in glory. It should be this hope that motivates us to service and Christian living, “to live is Christ, to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21) remembering that “our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all”(2 Corinthians 4:13) in this we can live enriched purpose filled lives. For those who are single this means our singleness is but light and monetary, we have a far greater destiny to come. Whether we get married or not does not matter in light of eternity: Jesus in Matt 19:12 says “others have renounced marriage for the kingdom of God” and Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:17&31 says “nevertheless each one should retain the place in life that the Lord has assigned to him and which God has called him... For this present world in its form is passing away” both encourage believers to look away from the temporal (marriage and this earth) and instead pursue the eternal things of God, in light of eternity marriage (should!) pale into insignificance as we contemplate the paradise that awaits us where we can live and be in full relationship with God. Jesus’ ministry was full of encouragement for his followers to look to the eternal things and the kingdom that awaits them: “for where your heart is there your treasure will be also” (Luke 12:24) what are we looking to, have we become obsessed with marriage that we forget the eternal destiny that awaits us. For single Christians our new hope of heaven serves to remind us we are but travellers on this earth on our way to an eternal home, the troubles and trials that come with singleness are nothing in relation to eternity where all will be changed and made perfect, instead we should look to our hope and fix our eyes and hearts on what is to come:

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
(Revelation 21:1-4)

A new Joy

We live in a self centred cultured, the emphasis is on getting pleasure now in whatever form we like. However this world cannot give us lasting and complete joy. There can only be one source of joy in our lives as Christians, and that is Jesus. Through Jesus we have a new life, a new hope, a new identity and a new relationship with God. If we look for joy anywhere elsewhere we will be sadly disappointed, we may look for joy in being single, or we may look for joy in getting married. Being single or being married both can bring you happiness but they will also both bring hardships, there is NO lasting joy in singleness or in marriage, looking to get married because you are not happy being single will not give you the answer to you problems and your lack of joy. Joy should be and can only be found in Jesus: in his love for us, his achievement at the cross and in following him.

The cross is the greatest event in human history, it impacts our whole lives, as believers we cannot ignore it. It becomes the centre of our lives, marking us as different. To single Christians it is a reminder that we are loved more fully than any one else could, it is a promise of an eternal glory where all will be perfect and the troubles, strife and loneliness we face will be no more. It encourages us to live as we are, not looking to change our single status but to leave it in God’s hands and pursue him above all else.

Concluding Challenges:
1) Are we looking to the temporal or the eternal
2) Are we looking at ourselves and our wants and desires or are we looking to Jesus and committing ourselves to following him above all.

Further reading:

MARK MEYNELL: Cross-Examined (IVP 2001)

JOHN STOTT: The Cross Of Christ (IVP 1989)

JOHN PIPER: The Passion of Jesus Christ (Crossway 2004)

JERRY BRIDGES: The Discipline of Grace (Navpress 1994)

TERRY VIRGO: God’s Lavish Grace (Monarch books 2004)

MARCUS HONEYSETT: Finding Joy (IVP 2005)